It may not be a man staring back at me, but its a very lost woman. Tomorrow will be the day that my mother was shot, and the day after will be the day that she pronounced dead. Yep, im depressed, but seriously who wouldnt be? I've been told to get over it, move on, everything...but seriously people until ur asses experience someone shooting and killing a parent, and u get to see just how fucking much it hurts, then dont say "oh get over it, and move on". Im so lost here, im def. not happy with my life at all. Billie and i are practicially done and over with. She says she hates me, wants me gone, on a daily basis now, and lastnite she said i should have went home when i had the chance...and she was right, i sure as hell should have. I may not get to see my mother there, but ill get to be around people who love me unconditionally, and people that wanna be there and help me though this so that i may be able to move forward and on with my life. Only thing i have here is my dog. I sat and held her earlier and just cried....a very good cry, probably one the hardest cries ive had in a long time. And she sits there and lets me cry. I remember back in the day when i had a girlfriend that loved me, i could cry in her arms and she would let me cry, shes wipe my tears, and she'd even cry with me...but most importantly, she would lift my chin, look at me in the eyes and tell me that she loves me. I would instantly feel better, no matter what. I couldnt tell u how long its been since ive had a girlfriend like that. I miss my old life so much, things were so much better. But i guess as everyone says, things change, people change, and i see that now. And as this michael jackson song says...its time to make a change. Its time for me to start my journey of starting my life over. Maybe eventually coping with my moms death, and go on with my life, single..but with my families support, and my doggie. I'm starting my journey over in south carolina, california has nothing for me here anymore. Except sam, i will def. miss that guy, he has changed my life in ways no one else can see. U see the world through diff. eyes when u see it through a disabled person. I'll have memories here that ill miss as well, but i had bad ones that i want to put in the past. Pretty much my california life has ended, and im being reborn in south carolina all over again, because I am Karen Diane Franklin's daughter, and i be what she always wanted me to be!
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